The Misfit Magnet

I tend to attact oddballs. Ever since I was a kid, the kind of people who gravitate toward me are not the cheerleader, superjock, typical, generic, stereotypical "normal" person. I don't know whether it's that I have an approachable face, or whether it's because I've always felt like, and been perceived as, a misfit myself.

When I was in junior high, I was a real outcast. I had switched schools, and the new one did not welcome me with open arms. Whereas in my old school I had been popular and the teachers' pet, in this one I was persona non grata, the invisible lump in the corner (invisible, that is, until a few of the boys in my class decided to verbally abuse me). It was a hellish existence. But then along came a girl who was even more of an outcast than me. For the first couple of days, because they were curious about her, the kids were semi-nice to her, trying to find out where she was from, etc. But I knew it wouldn't last. She was about 4'5", extremely thin with dirty-looking, scraggly hair, and really thick glasses. And sure enough, she became the butt of everyone's jokes, overshadowing me as the Class Loser. We became friends. I definitely related to her dilemma, and she was a genuinely nice person. The only thing was, and I'm ashamed to say this, I felt embarrassed by her. Isn't that terrible? You'd think that someone who had gone through the same experiences as her would be sympathetic, and I was sympathetic ... but I was also a normal pre-teenager who wanted to fit in. So sometimes I would avoid her. I hated it, but that's what I did. Eventually she moved away and I never even said goodbye. I've always felt bad about that.

But that kind of set the pace for how things would be in the future. My oldest friend, the godmother of my daughter, I have known since Grade 2. She is also a misfit. She's a couple of years older than me, still lives at home with her mother, doesn't work and likely never will, and has only had one boyfriend, about 20 years ago. She dresses like a nun and has let her hair go gray and done nothing about it. She seems to go out of her way to repulse men. She is also painfully, extremely, terminally shy and I believe suffers from chronic depression but has never been diagnosed or treated for it. That's why she can't work. She is literally incapable of it.

My brother-in-law is another case in point. He is also socially barren and totally inept. He is a compulsive talker. He literally WILL NOT stop talking unless you walk away, and even then, he will follow you until you take the stairs or start to run. He is obsessed with '50s and '60s music, believes that Elvis Presley is the greatest singer who ever lived, the Beatles are the greatest pop band ever but that John Lennon was a crazy drug-addicted asshole, and the Stones are the greatest rock 'n roll band ever, although he despises Mick Jagger. Unbidden, he will start reciting trivia to you relentlessly, unstoppably, about what topped the charts on January 12, 1962, what was #2, 3, 4, 5 and so on. But when it comes to everyday situations, he is lost. He cannot cope. He works part-time as a security guard. He has never had, nor will he ever have, he has told me in no uncertain terms, a girlfriend or wife. He's right. No woman would ever be able to live with him, unless she was just as obsessed and compulsive as he is.

It makes me sad when I'm around people like this, and I'm grateful that I was able to overcome my own frailties enough to meet the guy who would become my husband, have my daughter, get a good job, a house, and have a "normal" life. Otherwise I would be wasting away just like them, gathering dust in my mother's house, waiting to die.