Adieu, My Darlings ... For Now
Hello, everyone. Sorry for my long absence but it has been quite a month, with another job ending, the holidays, and moving. Moving! Don't get me started. It took me, my husband and my brother 12 hours just to get my stuff back to the house. Anyway, I hope you all had a very happy Christmas and I wish you all a successful, prosperous New Year.
What a year I just finished. Talk about a learning curve. I learned a lot of things about life and a lot of things about myself. I thought I knew myself pretty well, but I was wrong. There were things I found out about myself in the past year that I could never have learned had I not gone through them, and I am actually grateful for them.
I have decided that this blog no longer serves it purpose for me. I have outgrown it. I have changed quite a bit from the woman who started it. Some of my goals are still the same ... I still want to be happy (I am actually quite content right now), completely satisfied and successful in what I do for a living. Those are my two main goals right now. If I can have those two things, that is just fine with me. Anyway, although I will be sad to let it go, as it has seen me through such incredible turmoil and change, I know it is the only thing to do. Don't despair, though ... as the title of this post indicates, it is only "for now". I am planning to start another blog, one that is more in keeping with me and my life right now, and I will post here and let you know what the name is in case you can't live without me. :-)
Being back in the house is surprisingly tranquil. I was expecting to feel a little depressed, a little angry, a little frustrated. I feel none of those things. As a matter of fact, being here is such a welcome respite from all the crap. As I said earlier, another job ended. I was informed very abruptly one day that my services were no longer required and thank you very much. My boss was very remorseful about it (the order came from her boss, not my boss herself). She told me, "I really regret having to do this. You are such a professional person, you have been such an example for my staff, and I was hoping you would be around to continue to be an influence on them." One of the reasons I was let go was because I was making careless mistakes, not catching stuff I had caught before. And it's true, I really could have cared less about the job. I fucking hated it, actually. It was my boss who had convinced me to stay on an extra month when I told her I didn't want to go past the 3-month contract. I needed the money for Christmas, so I said yes. But I know when I went to work after that, I was only half-there. I was thinking about finding another job, The Move, me and my husband ... needless to say I was a little preoccupied. So I was let go very unceremoniously one day.
Even though I hated the job, it was a blow. Being fired sucks. I think it is one of the worst feelings in the world, comparable with being dumped by someone. Whenever it has happened to me, I have felt completely helpless, like a slave with absolutely no rights, no recourse, and no voice. I had a real epiphany on the drive home. These are the conclusions I came to:
1. This is the 2nd job in less than a year that I have been fired from.
2. I was not happy at either job.
3. I have NEVER liked working around other people. Wherever you have people, you have jealousy, idiocy, conspiracy, and just plain nastiness. Some people are actually nice, but in my vast experience I would estimate the percentage of nice people to be about 20% compared to the assholes. I can't stand the gossipy, phony environment.
Which led me to my most important conclusion:
4. I need to work on my own. Have my own business, be my own boss. Take orders from no one but myself, and deal with no one except the people I CHOOSE to deal with.
My dream job for many years has been to be a psychologist. I have been thinking about going back to school and I have seen a couple of hynotherapists to help me deal with my weight recently. The first woman I saw was absolutely brilliant and an inspiration to me. Whenever I was in her office, I found myself looking around at her space with the artwork and knick knacks and bookshelves, whatever made the place distinctly her own, and I thought, "This could be me. I could have this too." I lost my job while I was seeing her and told her what happened. I told her I was thinking about going back to school, and she handed me a program from a school that teaches the kind of therapy she practices.
I want to go SO much! It's expensive, but I'm trying to convince my husband that it will be worth it in the long run, as the money I will be making afterward will more than make up for the investment. The next session starts in September and there is an open house in February where you can go and find out about the program and ask questions.
I will beg, plead, cajole, do anything I have to in order to go to this school, learn, and become a therapist. It's the main thing on my mind right now.
God, it would be nice to make my own living, be my own boss, take shit from no-one and leave the stragglers in the dust. That is The Most Important Goal right now, my friends.
So, for now, I bid adieu, with the promise that I will be back in the future. I'm not sure when. But you can be sure that when I do return, I will have a lot to tell you.
Thank you for your visits to this blog and your always-enjoyed comments.
Until then, babies!
Gabriela (also known as Emily Pound)
What a year I just finished. Talk about a learning curve. I learned a lot of things about life and a lot of things about myself. I thought I knew myself pretty well, but I was wrong. There were things I found out about myself in the past year that I could never have learned had I not gone through them, and I am actually grateful for them.
I have decided that this blog no longer serves it purpose for me. I have outgrown it. I have changed quite a bit from the woman who started it. Some of my goals are still the same ... I still want to be happy (I am actually quite content right now), completely satisfied and successful in what I do for a living. Those are my two main goals right now. If I can have those two things, that is just fine with me. Anyway, although I will be sad to let it go, as it has seen me through such incredible turmoil and change, I know it is the only thing to do. Don't despair, though ... as the title of this post indicates, it is only "for now". I am planning to start another blog, one that is more in keeping with me and my life right now, and I will post here and let you know what the name is in case you can't live without me. :-)
Being back in the house is surprisingly tranquil. I was expecting to feel a little depressed, a little angry, a little frustrated. I feel none of those things. As a matter of fact, being here is such a welcome respite from all the crap. As I said earlier, another job ended. I was informed very abruptly one day that my services were no longer required and thank you very much. My boss was very remorseful about it (the order came from her boss, not my boss herself). She told me, "I really regret having to do this. You are such a professional person, you have been such an example for my staff, and I was hoping you would be around to continue to be an influence on them." One of the reasons I was let go was because I was making careless mistakes, not catching stuff I had caught before. And it's true, I really could have cared less about the job. I fucking hated it, actually. It was my boss who had convinced me to stay on an extra month when I told her I didn't want to go past the 3-month contract. I needed the money for Christmas, so I said yes. But I know when I went to work after that, I was only half-there. I was thinking about finding another job, The Move, me and my husband ... needless to say I was a little preoccupied. So I was let go very unceremoniously one day.
Even though I hated the job, it was a blow. Being fired sucks. I think it is one of the worst feelings in the world, comparable with being dumped by someone. Whenever it has happened to me, I have felt completely helpless, like a slave with absolutely no rights, no recourse, and no voice. I had a real epiphany on the drive home. These are the conclusions I came to:
1. This is the 2nd job in less than a year that I have been fired from.
2. I was not happy at either job.
3. I have NEVER liked working around other people. Wherever you have people, you have jealousy, idiocy, conspiracy, and just plain nastiness. Some people are actually nice, but in my vast experience I would estimate the percentage of nice people to be about 20% compared to the assholes. I can't stand the gossipy, phony environment.
Which led me to my most important conclusion:
4. I need to work on my own. Have my own business, be my own boss. Take orders from no one but myself, and deal with no one except the people I CHOOSE to deal with.
My dream job for many years has been to be a psychologist. I have been thinking about going back to school and I have seen a couple of hynotherapists to help me deal with my weight recently. The first woman I saw was absolutely brilliant and an inspiration to me. Whenever I was in her office, I found myself looking around at her space with the artwork and knick knacks and bookshelves, whatever made the place distinctly her own, and I thought, "This could be me. I could have this too." I lost my job while I was seeing her and told her what happened. I told her I was thinking about going back to school, and she handed me a program from a school that teaches the kind of therapy she practices.
I want to go SO much! It's expensive, but I'm trying to convince my husband that it will be worth it in the long run, as the money I will be making afterward will more than make up for the investment. The next session starts in September and there is an open house in February where you can go and find out about the program and ask questions.
I will beg, plead, cajole, do anything I have to in order to go to this school, learn, and become a therapist. It's the main thing on my mind right now.
God, it would be nice to make my own living, be my own boss, take shit from no-one and leave the stragglers in the dust. That is The Most Important Goal right now, my friends.
So, for now, I bid adieu, with the promise that I will be back in the future. I'm not sure when. But you can be sure that when I do return, I will have a lot to tell you.
Thank you for your visits to this blog and your always-enjoyed comments.
Until then, babies!
Gabriela (also known as Emily Pound)
posted by emily pound at 5:12 AM
6 Comments:
Good luck, but I won't say goodbye because I look forward to the new blog.
I've found I can't quit mine that easy, but I'm only going back to it now when absolutely necessary.
Thanks, Outburst. This is not goodbye, I will be back, in my new incarnation. :-)
I will also be checking my favourite blogs, of which yours is one.
Good Luck Emily:
May your new path be a happy one and please don't look at your time in the past year or two as wasted in any way. It was a part of your life when you were living large in many ways. Sucking in huge breaths of air and feeling the extreme emotions of enlarged experience. Life is not about straight lines or linear progressions, but about grabbing every second and making the most of it in the moment, whether it turns out to be the path home or a dead end.
I will miss these explorations, but look forward to your new directions and thoughts as an old friend who is not embarking on a new life, but merely a new path.
Your friend
Huge
Well, I'll say this:
YAY!!! SO glad to hear you're getting to where you need to be. We all gotta fall to learn to get back up.
And I can't wait for your new blog. I've been through six blogs already because I change and outgrow them. This last one has been the oldest.
I'll miss you but just for a little while. SINCE YOU'LL BE BACK! lol
See you soon,
~Lily
Huge,
Thanks for your warm wishes and your always-succinct, incredibly enlightened comments. I don't consider the past year to be wasted in the least, just the opposite. It was a path I had to take, and although I cut myself on some brambles and got some bumps and bruises along the way, I still came out the other side. Much wiser than when I went in, in my opinion.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to what comes next now.
I'll be back soon.
Lily,
Thank you sweetheart. You have been one of the ones here from the beginning and who has seen me go along my journey ... I'm glad you have been there, and I know you will be there when I return. It might be sooner than you think, too. I'm already getting ideas.
See you soon! :-)
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