Audience Participation Required
Hi there! Sorry it's been so long since my last post. It's not that I haven't had much to say -- more like, I've been too lazy and apathetic to say it. However, I'm feeling that writing/blogging urge grab hold of me again, and voila! Today's post.
I would much appreciate your feedback on the following. I have felt somewhat slighted recently by some minor incidents, and would like to know if you feel they are worthy of my consternation. They're amusing, anyway.
Incident #1:
This occurred at work. I had gotten my hair cut and highlighted the weekend before. The highlights turned out quite blonde ... normally I like them golden-blonde, as they blend more nicely with my natural colour, which is a light brown. But this hairdresser kept me under the dryer for what felt like six hours, so they turned out more whitish blonde. Anyway, I was sitting at my desk at work and my boss came in to talk to me about something. She saw me and stopped and stared, and said in a flat voice, "Oh. THAT's a change." I knew she was referring to my hair and I felt a little self-conscious about the bright blonde myself, so I said, "Yeah, I got it cut and highlighted on the weekend." She just kept staring at me, not smiling, and then says, "Do you like it?" That comment alone told me SHE obviously didn't, and I just said, "Well, it turned out a lot blonder than I thought, but after a week or two it should tone down." "Oh yeah, for sure," she says, "that always happens with mine." Then she leaves after handing me some task or other.
I felt this was rather rude and offensive. I mean, even if I don't like what somebody's done with their hair, if I've already acknowledged the fact that I noticed they did SOMETHING to it, don't you think it's polite to lie and say you think it's nice? She couldn't have been more obvious about her opinion if she had shouted it in my face.
Plus, get this: the very next week, she made an appointment to get her hair done. :-)
Incident #2:
Another work incident. The Welsh guy I work with and I trade movie trivia all the time, and I happened to mention this film I thought he would love, called Maborosi. It's a Japanese film and one of the most exquisite movies I have ever seen in my life. I recommend it to all of you. Anyway, I have the dvd, and I offered to bring it in for him. He said, thanks, I'd love that, and the very next morning, I brought it in and he was all excited, going, I can't wait to see this. He said he was going to watch it on the weekend. One week goes by. I ask him if he's watched it. He says, no, I didn't get around to it. Do you mind if I keep it for another week? I said no problem, feeling annoyed, knowing he probably wasn't going to watch it. Another week goes by. And another. I ask him again if he's watched it. "Something always keeps coming up," he says, smiling. I go, yeah, sure, whatever, thinking: Fucken asshole. Another few days go by and he tells me he's watched HALF of it. Wow, that's progress, I'm thinking. Then the other day I come in and the dvd is sitting on my chair with a post-it on it saying THANK YOU. He comes in to chat with me and my colleague and I asked him what he thought of it. He just smiled and said, "It was beautiful." I said, "What did you think of the scene where ..." and I went into great detail describing this very beautifully-filmed montage, the very heart of the film. He's giving me this blank stare as I'm talking and I stopped and said, "You're looking at me like you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, do you?" And he and my colleague laugh and he goes, "No." I said, "Did you watch it?" And he's like, "MOST of it." Uh huh. I doubt this guy watched the second half or even at all.
Don't you think that if someone goes to the trouble to bring in one of their own dvds to loan you to watch, you should watch it? Especially if you have expressed great interest in watching it? I kept wondering how I was going to get it back from him, because it was obvious he was in no hurry to make use of it. I felt like such an idiot when I was describing that scene and he was looking at me like, What the fuck is she going on about? I was really looking forward to discussing it with him, it would have been a great conversation piece we could have shared. Dammit all.
Incident #3
This was a husband-induced slight, in my eyes the most minor of the three, but still enough of a slight to merit mention here. He was talking in the car with my daughter one day, saying, "Wait till you come over tomorrow. You'll get a real surprise." I was like, what? She asked him if he'd painted her room because he was planning to do that. No, he says. It turns out he repainted OUR bedroom. I was like, huh? Apparently he's painted it a shade of blue. I looked at him and said, "Don't you think you should have consulted me before you painted it?" After all, I'm going to be in that bedroom too. It would have been nice to be in on the colour, especially since my husband and I don't exactly have the same decorating taste. "Yeah, I guess," he said sheepishly. But ... what??????? Why didn't he? That shade of blue was too hypnotic, or captivating, or what?
So, there you have three incidents in which I have recently felt slighted. Please tell me, kind readers, if you would: Which do you think is the worst of the three, why, and what would you have done or said?
Thank you for your input. :-)
I would much appreciate your feedback on the following. I have felt somewhat slighted recently by some minor incidents, and would like to know if you feel they are worthy of my consternation. They're amusing, anyway.
Incident #1:
This occurred at work. I had gotten my hair cut and highlighted the weekend before. The highlights turned out quite blonde ... normally I like them golden-blonde, as they blend more nicely with my natural colour, which is a light brown. But this hairdresser kept me under the dryer for what felt like six hours, so they turned out more whitish blonde. Anyway, I was sitting at my desk at work and my boss came in to talk to me about something. She saw me and stopped and stared, and said in a flat voice, "Oh. THAT's a change." I knew she was referring to my hair and I felt a little self-conscious about the bright blonde myself, so I said, "Yeah, I got it cut and highlighted on the weekend." She just kept staring at me, not smiling, and then says, "Do you like it?" That comment alone told me SHE obviously didn't, and I just said, "Well, it turned out a lot blonder than I thought, but after a week or two it should tone down." "Oh yeah, for sure," she says, "that always happens with mine." Then she leaves after handing me some task or other.
I felt this was rather rude and offensive. I mean, even if I don't like what somebody's done with their hair, if I've already acknowledged the fact that I noticed they did SOMETHING to it, don't you think it's polite to lie and say you think it's nice? She couldn't have been more obvious about her opinion if she had shouted it in my face.
Plus, get this: the very next week, she made an appointment to get her hair done. :-)
Incident #2:
Another work incident. The Welsh guy I work with and I trade movie trivia all the time, and I happened to mention this film I thought he would love, called Maborosi. It's a Japanese film and one of the most exquisite movies I have ever seen in my life. I recommend it to all of you. Anyway, I have the dvd, and I offered to bring it in for him. He said, thanks, I'd love that, and the very next morning, I brought it in and he was all excited, going, I can't wait to see this. He said he was going to watch it on the weekend. One week goes by. I ask him if he's watched it. He says, no, I didn't get around to it. Do you mind if I keep it for another week? I said no problem, feeling annoyed, knowing he probably wasn't going to watch it. Another week goes by. And another. I ask him again if he's watched it. "Something always keeps coming up," he says, smiling. I go, yeah, sure, whatever, thinking: Fucken asshole. Another few days go by and he tells me he's watched HALF of it. Wow, that's progress, I'm thinking. Then the other day I come in and the dvd is sitting on my chair with a post-it on it saying THANK YOU. He comes in to chat with me and my colleague and I asked him what he thought of it. He just smiled and said, "It was beautiful." I said, "What did you think of the scene where ..." and I went into great detail describing this very beautifully-filmed montage, the very heart of the film. He's giving me this blank stare as I'm talking and I stopped and said, "You're looking at me like you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, do you?" And he and my colleague laugh and he goes, "No." I said, "Did you watch it?" And he's like, "MOST of it." Uh huh. I doubt this guy watched the second half or even at all.
Don't you think that if someone goes to the trouble to bring in one of their own dvds to loan you to watch, you should watch it? Especially if you have expressed great interest in watching it? I kept wondering how I was going to get it back from him, because it was obvious he was in no hurry to make use of it. I felt like such an idiot when I was describing that scene and he was looking at me like, What the fuck is she going on about? I was really looking forward to discussing it with him, it would have been a great conversation piece we could have shared. Dammit all.
Incident #3
This was a husband-induced slight, in my eyes the most minor of the three, but still enough of a slight to merit mention here. He was talking in the car with my daughter one day, saying, "Wait till you come over tomorrow. You'll get a real surprise." I was like, what? She asked him if he'd painted her room because he was planning to do that. No, he says. It turns out he repainted OUR bedroom. I was like, huh? Apparently he's painted it a shade of blue. I looked at him and said, "Don't you think you should have consulted me before you painted it?" After all, I'm going to be in that bedroom too. It would have been nice to be in on the colour, especially since my husband and I don't exactly have the same decorating taste. "Yeah, I guess," he said sheepishly. But ... what??????? Why didn't he? That shade of blue was too hypnotic, or captivating, or what?
So, there you have three incidents in which I have recently felt slighted. Please tell me, kind readers, if you would: Which do you think is the worst of the three, why, and what would you have done or said?
Thank you for your input. :-)
posted by emily pound at 9:41 AM
7 Comments:
#3 is the only one I can really understand you getting infuriated over. He definitely should have asked you.
#1, Some people just aren't as skilled as others in protecting people's feelings. She didn't say anything rude by the sound of it, she just didn't play it as nicely as she could have.
#2, He was a bit of an ass but I've been on that end too, with people not just recomending movies or books but shoving them in my face. Not that you did that exactly, but everyone's tastes are different. I have an Anne Rice book in my desk right now someone took all the trouble to bring from home so that I can read it. I can't even bring myself to break it open because I got Anne Rice out of my system over 10 years ago. But, I'll probably lie and tell her I read it and say it was good. Hopefully she won't ask me about any particular scenes. ;)
Hi outburst,
Thanks for your take on things.
You didn't think she was being rude on #1????? I felt a definite diss there!!!! Especially coming from another woman ... we are all extremely touchy about our hair.
As far as #2 ... LIE!!!!! Definitely LIE!!!! If she asks you about any particular scenes, rub your chin and look thoughtful, as if there were so many it's difficult to remember each one. :-)
hey emily!
#3 would definitely be the one to affect me the most, and your reaction is understandable.
#2 i don't get. the only part that would have mildly irritated me would have been that he'd kept it for almost a month. but it sounds as if he didn't even ask for the movie...that you, out of your kindness and want to share something in common, brought it in for him. i suppose, personally i figure i can only do what i'm doing, and i can't change his line of action.
if you'd had a conversation about the movie and then he'd come to you and said something to the effect of "oh that movie you were talking about sounded great, do you mind letting me borrow it?" then that may have warranted you lending it to him, coz sometimes genuinine niceness just gets you kicked in the teeth.
#1 - meh, it's hair, it's dead cells...really does it matter?
both work related incidents are from people who shouldn't have this kind of power over you. i know it's much easier said than done but they're not important in the grander scheme of things! your husband and daughter ARE, so that's why #3 matters most.
hey roselle,
thanks for your comments.
#3 seems to be the consensus so far. I agree with you and outburst that #2 is really not a big deal ... I guess I had some expectation out of lending it to him and he didn't actually ask for it, so ...
the hair thing bugs me! is it just me? She looked at me like I was an alien!
Dear Gabriella,
I have been having difficulty with this new blogger beta....I think ill switch back. I have some insight into your situations. Please forgive me if you get a couple of comments back, as I am having difficulty with posting my comments.
Situation #1: Is it possible she is envious of your new blonde hair? Women are often overly critical of other women, and since she went out and had her hair done shortly after, indicates that she envied you, and instead of complimenting you, decided to try to tear you down?
Just a thought....
Situation #2: To me this is the worst infraction because he disrespected you, and he disrespected your property. I used to lend out books, videos, etc, but rarely received them back in a timely fashion, or in the same shape I gave them in. I also often never saw the items again. I made a little rule never to lend out that kind of stuff. People can be very disrespectful when it comes to property that doesn't belong to them. I think he was a jerk for lying about watching the movie, too. He probably didn't even put it in the machine....
He could have been a little more gracious by returning the video to you and saying that it wasn't his kind of movie, or not accepting it at all.
Situation #3: Since you are trying to reconcile your marriage, is it possible that your husband wanted to surprise you with a new color on the bedroom walls? What you have described of him is that he loves you very much and wants the marrige to work out. In his poor judgement, made a choice for both of you instead of doing the right thing and consulting you about it first. Because he repainted the bedroom, it almost sounds to me like he wants to refresh your romance. I agree that he shouldn't have made that decision on his own, but I doubt highly that he did it out of malice.
I hope this helps. Please take care and have a wonderful weekend!
Hugs, Jennie
Hi Jen,
Thanks for your thoughts. You and I seem to be on the same page with these things ...
#1: I felt she might have been a bit jealous, and that's why she came off a bit bitchy. The kicker was when she went and had her hair done the following week. I think that says it all.
#2: I felt really pissed off about this despite the fact that it was partially brought on by myself, and I kept telling myself it shouldn't bother me. But you're right, he was a jerk. IS a jerk.
:-) I don't even know why I bother talking to him at all.
#3: Hmmmmm, refreshing the romance ... I never thought about it that way before. You could be right. I think he's very glad about us reconciling and he sees this as a "fresh start" and wanted to commemorate it with a fresh coat of paint. :-) I haven't even seen it yet! Strangely enough, even though I knew he should have asked me, this is the one that bothers me the least. We can always repaint. :-)
I think the incident #3 is the most importand since it involved your husband. The others can go take a leap. That stuff won't matter when you leave the office. BUT your relationship with your hiusband is significant because obviously you live togather. I would have done what you did and told him that you would have like to have been in on it. It is your bedroom as well.
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