Pimpin' My Ride

As those of you who are regular readers of my blog know, I am unemployed. I've been unemployed for about the past two months. It has been hell. You know, philosophically, I am not a big fan of working. :-) You never have enough time to do the things you want to do, you have to deal with assholes who think they're superior to you and keep looking over your shoulder to see if they're getting their money's worth out of you, you have to deal with office politics, which I think is one of the most loathsome, irksome things on the face of the earth.

But, despite all the aggravation, the underpayment, the boredom ... I have to say I'll take that any day over being unemployed. It is hell, especially if you find yourself unexpectedly unemployed, or unwillingly unemployed, like me. The first little while you're just kind of wandering around in shell-shock, and when that wears off, it's quickly replaced by an unhealthy amount of optimism, as in "I'll get another job in no time! No problem!" And then two months later, after several dozen emails and cover letters and countless job listings later, you're still unemployed and much less bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Today I attended the National Job Fair at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre in my fair city. One of our newspapers here in Toronto billed it as "fantastic", "not to be missed", "essential for any job seeker". While I find that description a tad overblown, I'm glad I attended, as there was a lot of information there about agencies I didn't know existed who do help people find work and re-train, etc. There were free seminars going on as well, about how to be an entrepreneur, what the job market is like right now, lots of useful things. But I was disappointed to see that at least a third of the booths there were taken up by employment agencies, which I thought was a total waste of time. If I wanted to sign up with an employment agency, why the hell would I wait for a job fair to do it? I've worked for employment agencies in the past, and if I can help it, I don't intend to do it again. The prospect of them taking a chunk of my paycheque for finding me work has never sat well with me.

I'm starting to get quite panicky. Two months and no job offers, no real prospects. I have to say I ended up feeling rather fortunate though, as I met a very nice lady who was looking for a job in the insurance industry. She told me she had been unemployed for over a year. And when I was sitting at one of the seminars, the speaker asked us in the audience how many of us had been unemployed for a year or more, and several hands went up. So I guess two months makes me kind of a neophyte compared to them. I just pray I don't end up in the same boat.

Anyway, I had an amusing thought ... instead of dressing up in a black leather mini skirt, fishnets and high heels, accompanied by the stereotypical pimp with a feather in his hat and a gold medallion on his chest, at this job fair and at other interviews, I have found myself dressed in a sober, pinstriped business suit, trying to figure out which pimp would best represent me. Employment agencies are glorified pimps. They pimp you out and take a cut of the action. Through your hard work, they are profiting. And believe me, if you start being a liability, they won't waste a minute of their time to treat you like a bitch ho' and heave you out the door with their platform boots.

When you're looking for a job, you have to tailor yourself to each company you present yourself to, and it really is like pimping yourself. Just a little more upscale.