Split Personality

I have pretty schizoid eating habits. During the week, I'm usually very conscientious about what I eat. I make sure to eat lots of fruit and veggies, get my protein, go as low on the carbs as I can, and even exercise. But come the weekend, it's as if a different me takes over.

I have noticed that when I'm around my husband a lot, I tend to eat more. Not that I'm blaming him for my horrible eating habits, as they were around WAY before he ever entered the picture. But, I have definitely noticed that the more conflicted I feel, the more repressed, the more I am holding in my true feelings, I compensate by pigging out. I'll go for the ice cream, the potato chips, the pizza, and go to the Chinese Buffet place I love. I know it's psychological, especially since I usually eat things that are bad for me the MOST when I'm not even hungry. It's really sick, and I know it.

I've been to psychologists about this before -- granted, not on a very in-depth basis. I had a few sessions with one counsellor who talked with me about my eating habits and the reasons why I eat the way I do, and when I do it. It was somewhat insightful, but I never really felt comfortable with her, probably because she was such a skinny person. I have been thinking about going to someone again, to see if I can really get to the root of this. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I never had any issues with food. Maybe that's why I'm so reluctant to get to the meat (pardon the pun) of it. If I didn't have such a preoccupation with food, such an obsession, love/hate with it ... if it wouldn't be the one constant project in my life ... then who would I be, I wonder?

What would I be doing, right now?