Sucking It Up
I have just made one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. I didn't sleep very well last night, or the one before, because it's all I have been thinking about. But today is the day. It's 7:21 a.m. and I'm sitting here in a t-shirt and my underwear doing this post. Not a pretty picture, especially since I've been binging like a maniac for the past little while in order to cope with the pressure. Other things have been going on too, but this main quandary I have been in has generally been the culprit.
I have been offered two jobs. Job A is at a marketing firm. It's a proofreading job in a "studio". The woman who interviewed me was absolutely wonderful. She and I clicked right away and were joking around with each other comfortably. She's a very extroverted, lively, smart as hell woman who runs a tight ship, but not in a tyrannical way. I took a proofreading test to qualify and she told me I scored the highest out of everyone who took it. It sounds like the absolute perfect job for me, except for the fact that the hours are abysmal, 2 p.m. - 10 p.m. No ifs, ands or buts. She needs to fill this shift.
Job B is, ironically and fittingly enough, at the major competitor of my old company. It is also a proofreading job, but the job is definitely much dryer in the sense that they are a legal publisher, and I will be working in the tax, accounting, and financial planning department. You see what I mean. Then again, for all I know, it may not be as boring and dull as it seems, because I was told I will be working on books as well. The main thing is, the hours are normal. It is a day shift, it's a beautiful building, and the people I interviewed with were very nice, very pleasant, although I didn't connect with them as strongly as I did with the woman at Job A.
I was offered Job A last week, with a 3-month contract to start, to see how I fit in with the shift and with the routine there. She told me she has had an extremely difficult time finding people to work that shift, it's been driving her crazy. What makes me feel so bad is, she told me from the very beginning, when she first phoned me to even come in for the test, that it was an evening shift, it was 2-10, and was I okay with that? I knew I wasn't, but I answered yes anyway because I figured I might not get it anyway, and if I did, I would deal with it later. I just wanted an interview, I certainly wasn't going to turn it down.
I was offered Job B formally yesterday morning. I told her yes but I was still seriously considering the other one, which I had also agreed to, although I hadn't signed the Offer Letter she sent me. I've been stalling, delaying the inevitable, and I have decided that this morning I will call her and tell her that I really regret having to do it, but I will have to turn it down, and only because of the hours. I know she will probably not be very pleased, since she was straight with me about the hours from the very beginning. But I have been thinking about this and thinking about this and I just cannot see a way that this will work. I have been desperately trying to concoct a scenario in which it will work, even going so far as to moving back in with my husband so that my daughter will have a parent to look after her while I am not there. I certainly am not about to put her in the care of some stranger, no matter how highly recommended she comes. But obviously, I know that would be a pretty ridiculous reason to move back in. More on that later. There's a lot of drama going on in my life lately.
Even up until about midnight last night, I was pretty much decided I would take the evening shift job. It just seems like such a fucking dream job, the opportunity I have been waiting for my whole life. But then I think about not seeing my daughter for the majority of the week -- only on weekends, basically, and not having a life other than my job. I know you have to make sacrifices sometimes, and if I knew that maybe in a year I could move to a day shift, I would be willing to make that sacrifice. But she gave me no indication that that is an option, and it would be stupid to make assumptions, so ... I figure that even if it is my second choice, the pay is a little less, and the job probably much less exciting, I will have to go with the day job after all. It fucking kills me. I have never been so excited about a job before, as I was with this marketing firm. When I talk to her today, I am going to apologize profusely for backing out at the last minute, but tell her honestly that I just don't think it's a feasible option for me as I have a young child who needs me at home. Like I said, I know she will probably be very pissed off but I am going to ask her to please keep me in mind if a day shift ever opens up or even an earlier shift. That's all I can do.
Fuck.
I have been offered two jobs. Job A is at a marketing firm. It's a proofreading job in a "studio". The woman who interviewed me was absolutely wonderful. She and I clicked right away and were joking around with each other comfortably. She's a very extroverted, lively, smart as hell woman who runs a tight ship, but not in a tyrannical way. I took a proofreading test to qualify and she told me I scored the highest out of everyone who took it. It sounds like the absolute perfect job for me, except for the fact that the hours are abysmal, 2 p.m. - 10 p.m. No ifs, ands or buts. She needs to fill this shift.
Job B is, ironically and fittingly enough, at the major competitor of my old company. It is also a proofreading job, but the job is definitely much dryer in the sense that they are a legal publisher, and I will be working in the tax, accounting, and financial planning department. You see what I mean. Then again, for all I know, it may not be as boring and dull as it seems, because I was told I will be working on books as well. The main thing is, the hours are normal. It is a day shift, it's a beautiful building, and the people I interviewed with were very nice, very pleasant, although I didn't connect with them as strongly as I did with the woman at Job A.
I was offered Job A last week, with a 3-month contract to start, to see how I fit in with the shift and with the routine there. She told me she has had an extremely difficult time finding people to work that shift, it's been driving her crazy. What makes me feel so bad is, she told me from the very beginning, when she first phoned me to even come in for the test, that it was an evening shift, it was 2-10, and was I okay with that? I knew I wasn't, but I answered yes anyway because I figured I might not get it anyway, and if I did, I would deal with it later. I just wanted an interview, I certainly wasn't going to turn it down.
I was offered Job B formally yesterday morning. I told her yes but I was still seriously considering the other one, which I had also agreed to, although I hadn't signed the Offer Letter she sent me. I've been stalling, delaying the inevitable, and I have decided that this morning I will call her and tell her that I really regret having to do it, but I will have to turn it down, and only because of the hours. I know she will probably not be very pleased, since she was straight with me about the hours from the very beginning. But I have been thinking about this and thinking about this and I just cannot see a way that this will work. I have been desperately trying to concoct a scenario in which it will work, even going so far as to moving back in with my husband so that my daughter will have a parent to look after her while I am not there. I certainly am not about to put her in the care of some stranger, no matter how highly recommended she comes. But obviously, I know that would be a pretty ridiculous reason to move back in. More on that later. There's a lot of drama going on in my life lately.
Even up until about midnight last night, I was pretty much decided I would take the evening shift job. It just seems like such a fucking dream job, the opportunity I have been waiting for my whole life. But then I think about not seeing my daughter for the majority of the week -- only on weekends, basically, and not having a life other than my job. I know you have to make sacrifices sometimes, and if I knew that maybe in a year I could move to a day shift, I would be willing to make that sacrifice. But she gave me no indication that that is an option, and it would be stupid to make assumptions, so ... I figure that even if it is my second choice, the pay is a little less, and the job probably much less exciting, I will have to go with the day job after all. It fucking kills me. I have never been so excited about a job before, as I was with this marketing firm. When I talk to her today, I am going to apologize profusely for backing out at the last minute, but tell her honestly that I just don't think it's a feasible option for me as I have a young child who needs me at home. Like I said, I know she will probably be very pissed off but I am going to ask her to please keep me in mind if a day shift ever opens up or even an earlier shift. That's all I can do.
Fuck.
posted by emily pound at 4:22 AM
3 Comments:
Hi Jennie,
I made my decision. My logic and practicality won out over my sense of excitement and ambition. I took the day shift. When I phoned the woman and told her, she gave me one-word responses like "okay" and "sure" in a very high-pitched voice which made me certain her hands were knotting on the other end of the phone, wanting to strangle me. Oh well. I had to.
I start July 31st!
You're doing the best thing for your girl, and who knows, maybe a better job will come along a little later. You don't have to stay with this one forever. It'll all work out.
~Lily
Hi Lily,
Thanks. Good to see you back. It's been awhile.
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