The Art of the Interview
Looking for a job is a full-time job in itself, if you really want to maximize your prospects. It is amazing the amount of time it can take, if you factor in preparing your resume, writing cover letters, sending emails, faxes, searching job boards and classified ads. Over the past month or so, I really went to it with a vengeance and flooded the market with a surge of resumes to prospective employers, and I guess it really paid off because my phone has been ringing off the hook for the past week and I can barely keep track of my schedule.
It's funny how you can bust your ass sending resumes and so on and nothing happens for a month or so. It's so quiet you can hear the crickets chirping. Then all of a sudden, the dam bursts and it's a goddam flood. This past Monday, I had an interview for a proofreading/clerical job. Then, yesterday, I had to go and do a proofreading test in order to qualify for the interview. I got the call today that I qualified, and that interview is set for next Monday afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon I have an interview for a proofreading job. Then, on Friday morning, I have an interview for a clerical job. On Monday afternoon I have the interview that I qualified for with the proofing test.
I'm not complaining with this sudden flood of prospects, but my head is starting to spin. The good thing about it is that because I have so many of them scheduled so close together, I will stay in "interview mode" and likely do better in the interviews than I would if I had gotten them scattered much further apart.
There is definitely a certain aura you have to bring to an interview. The art of bullshit has to be very precisely mastered. You cannot stumble, you cannot fumble, or else you will tumble. :-) There are certain questions that are asked every time, and if you falter or misspeak, it is goodbye. Here are some of the danger questions I have found that make or break an interview:
1. Why did you leave your last job?
Of course they are trying to find out if you are an irresponsible quitter or are incompetent. Good answer: "My company was restructuring and unfortunately my job was phased out. They didn't have an alternative position to offer me, so I had to move on."
2. What interested you about this position?
They are trying to find out how enthusiastic you will be about the job and if you would stick with it once you got it. Bullshit your ass off. Try to make the filing of legal documents or frying of hamburgers as appealing and exciting as possible to you. "I really enjoy the smell of McDonald's hamburgers cooking and I feel that they are a reasonably nutritious meal, despite what Morgan Spurlock says."
3. Where do you see yourself in five years?
They are trying to find out, of course, if you will stick with the company. Keep on track. "I see myself happily working in this company, possibly with added responsibilities, if they are available." You have to also let them think you are amenable to moving up, whether you are or not.
4. What kind of environment do you prefer to work in?
Careful. They are trying to find out if you can get along with assholes as well as nice people. Say something like, "I prefer working in an environment where everyone gets along and works together. I value teamwork." This shows you are the kind of person who strives to appease everyone. (Yeah, right.)
5. How would you handle it if a supervisor criticized your performance or decision on a work matter?
This is similar to the above. You have to let them know that you can handle criticism and even welcome it. "I would listen very carefully to what my supervisor had to say and then offer my opinions if I disagreed. But I would not get angry or take it personally. I would realize that it is coming strictly from a work perspective, not a personal one." (Fuck off.)
These are just a few of the questions I have come across with regularity in my job search(es). You would think that with all the practice I have had lately that I would have found my dream job by now, but alas ... it is yet to arrive. Anyway, I'm glad I have so many interviews scheduled so I can stay sharp. Interview skills, like all others, tend to fade if you haven't used them for awhile.
Most importantly, you have to remember to give them the answers THEY want to hear ... which, of course, is not necessarily the truth. I have no reservations whatsoever about bullshitting or inflating something in order to appear more appealing to them. Hey, it's a dog eat dog world out there, and I'm a single mom. I'll do what I have to do and say what I have to say. That doesn't mean I'll be a lousy employee if I get the job, but I'll sure as hell say whatever I need to to get my ass in the door.
Besides, I am one hell of a proofreader. :-)
It's funny how you can bust your ass sending resumes and so on and nothing happens for a month or so. It's so quiet you can hear the crickets chirping. Then all of a sudden, the dam bursts and it's a goddam flood. This past Monday, I had an interview for a proofreading/clerical job. Then, yesterday, I had to go and do a proofreading test in order to qualify for the interview. I got the call today that I qualified, and that interview is set for next Monday afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon I have an interview for a proofreading job. Then, on Friday morning, I have an interview for a clerical job. On Monday afternoon I have the interview that I qualified for with the proofing test.
I'm not complaining with this sudden flood of prospects, but my head is starting to spin. The good thing about it is that because I have so many of them scheduled so close together, I will stay in "interview mode" and likely do better in the interviews than I would if I had gotten them scattered much further apart.
There is definitely a certain aura you have to bring to an interview. The art of bullshit has to be very precisely mastered. You cannot stumble, you cannot fumble, or else you will tumble. :-) There are certain questions that are asked every time, and if you falter or misspeak, it is goodbye. Here are some of the danger questions I have found that make or break an interview:
1. Why did you leave your last job?
Of course they are trying to find out if you are an irresponsible quitter or are incompetent. Good answer: "My company was restructuring and unfortunately my job was phased out. They didn't have an alternative position to offer me, so I had to move on."
2. What interested you about this position?
They are trying to find out how enthusiastic you will be about the job and if you would stick with it once you got it. Bullshit your ass off. Try to make the filing of legal documents or frying of hamburgers as appealing and exciting as possible to you. "I really enjoy the smell of McDonald's hamburgers cooking and I feel that they are a reasonably nutritious meal, despite what Morgan Spurlock says."
3. Where do you see yourself in five years?
They are trying to find out, of course, if you will stick with the company. Keep on track. "I see myself happily working in this company, possibly with added responsibilities, if they are available." You have to also let them think you are amenable to moving up, whether you are or not.
4. What kind of environment do you prefer to work in?
Careful. They are trying to find out if you can get along with assholes as well as nice people. Say something like, "I prefer working in an environment where everyone gets along and works together. I value teamwork." This shows you are the kind of person who strives to appease everyone. (Yeah, right.)
5. How would you handle it if a supervisor criticized your performance or decision on a work matter?
This is similar to the above. You have to let them know that you can handle criticism and even welcome it. "I would listen very carefully to what my supervisor had to say and then offer my opinions if I disagreed. But I would not get angry or take it personally. I would realize that it is coming strictly from a work perspective, not a personal one." (Fuck off.)
These are just a few of the questions I have come across with regularity in my job search(es). You would think that with all the practice I have had lately that I would have found my dream job by now, but alas ... it is yet to arrive. Anyway, I'm glad I have so many interviews scheduled so I can stay sharp. Interview skills, like all others, tend to fade if you haven't used them for awhile.
Most importantly, you have to remember to give them the answers THEY want to hear ... which, of course, is not necessarily the truth. I have no reservations whatsoever about bullshitting or inflating something in order to appear more appealing to them. Hey, it's a dog eat dog world out there, and I'm a single mom. I'll do what I have to do and say what I have to say. That doesn't mean I'll be a lousy employee if I get the job, but I'll sure as hell say whatever I need to to get my ass in the door.
Besides, I am one hell of a proofreader. :-)
posted by emily pound at 2:10 PM
3 Comments:
Dear Emily:
Good luck with the interviews. I haven't had to take an interview in a very long time because I am the owner of my business, but, I still recall a few of the techniques that worked very well for me. Surprisingly, the one I found most successful was the casual relaxed attitude that you don't really NEED the job, but you're talking to them because you're interested in it.
Another technique I learned is that each of the jobs that I interveiewed for, both technical jobs and legal jobs, had a variety of benefits(which were/are pretty standard across the industries) and the interviewer was required to describe these. I made sure to ask a series of leading questions expressing my interest in the very benefits I knew they had. This way the interviewer was able to satisfy his/her need to give basic info in response to questions rather than as monologue. This ALWAYS put them in a great mood. I was successful in each of the technical interviews which resulted in plant visits to the plant including plane, rental car, hotel and food/drink. It was a great junket. The legal interviews did the same and I toured California, Utah, Florida and Texas on the firms.
But, the key was confidence. I once did a successful interview in a ripped fraternity jersey and torn, dirty jeans. The reason for the success, I looked the interviewer in the eye and shook his hand firmly like I belonged and he would be lucky to get me. I had in reserve the concept that if he asked me where my suit was I would tell him that if a firm was looking to hire my suit it was in the closet, if it was me, I was there. He never asked and I got a trip to Northern California out of that interview.
Anyhow... keep all your chins up and be confident.
Good luck
Huge
Hi Huge,
Wow, an interview in ripped jeans and a sweatshirt ... wish I could boast that. Yes, confidence is key. I am very confident in my abilities but sometimes I get nervous and flustered and sound like a blubbering idiot. And then when I leave, I'm like, "What the hell did I say that for?"
Thanks for the encouragement. :-)
Hi Jennie,
lol, that is a new one, I have never heard that one before! Guess they had a pretty lax dress code! :-) Thanks for the well wishes, I will need them ... have another one tomorrow.
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