A Date
I had my first date in months yesterday. This was the first time I have been out with a guy since my disastrous relationship with the jerk who broke my heart. I met this new guy online, of course. :-) It was funny because he had contacted me first a few months ago, right around the time I lost my job. He'd sent me a couple of emails but hadn't gotten back to me very punctually, and combining the irritation of that with the utter calamity of losing my job, I just had let it slide and not answered him for awhile and figured he was just another anonymous electronic person in the multitudes out there.
But he contacted me again after he saw my profile on another dating site. I recognized his nickname right away (it was the same) and I thought .... hmmmm ... is this a sign or something? All those months ago he'd contacted me, nothing came of it, and here was another opportunity. Was this a nudge from the universe, I wondered. So I answered him, told him I remembered him from before, and would love to try getting acquainted again if he was willing. He said he was, and we began emailing each other quite a lot, and chatted on msn messenger a couple of times. Those chats got pretty flirtatious and hot ... :-) although he was a perfect gentleman, I must admit, he made sure to tell me to please tell him if he was crossing the line and offending me in any way. But he wasn't, it was just fun flirtation, back and forth, and finally we set up a meeting yesterday.
It couldn't have started off more ominously. The left rear tire on my car had been flat the day before, and I'd filled it with air and it seemed to be okay. I actually drove on the highway with it and it was fine. But as I drove towards our rendezvous, (it was a beautiful sunny day and I had the sunroof open and the window down) I could smell the distinct, acrid odour of burning rubber and I thought, uh oh, that's not good. So I pulled into a mall parking lot and sure enough, my tire was absolutely decimated. The thing was shredded beyond belief, I cannot believe I made it as far as I did and furthermore, that I didn't get into a horrible accident. I used my cell phone to call him and let him know where I was (I was only a little way down the street from our meeting point), then called CAA to come and change my tire, cuz I'm a woman and have no fucken idea how to do it, no matter how many times my ex showed me, and who would want to do it anyway.
To make a long story short, my tire got changed, I waited, and he showed up. Let me say a few words about this guy. He is absolutely, wonderfully sweet. A honeybun. He is a big guy, the stereotypical teddy bear, the kind of guy who could absolutely envelop you in his arms. I gave him a hug as soon as I saw him and showed him the remains of my tire. Then we went to a coffee shop at the mall since it was close by, and we talked.
You know how many times I've complained in the past about how much I hate superficial men, how disgusted I am by their snobbery towards bigger women? Well, I have to admit, I found myself being a hypocrite. It turns out I am just as superficial as any guy out there, because much as I like this guy, think he is sweet and has a wonderful personality, I really wasn't attracted to him physically. He is quite large, and he is balding. I hate myself as I'm writing this. But I can't deny it. I just wasn't attracted, much as I wanted to be. I could tell he was attracted to me. I had gone all out and worn a really sexy scoop-necked top to show off my spectacular cleavage, my long golden blonde hair was flowing, I was made up perfectly, spritzed with perfume, and was wearing tawny amber jewellery to match my hair. I enjoyed the fact that he was attracted, but I knew it wasn't happening with me.
We decided to move on to a park after the coffee shop, and sat on a bench in the sunshine and talked. He kept laughing nervously and asking me to say something when the conversation trailed off a bit, which irritated me a little, because I really didn't know what to say. I was just enjoying being out in the sunshine, and I'm not uncomfortable with silence. But I tried to keep the conversation going as best I could. We talked about our exes. I told him about my relationship with my husband, and he told me about the major relationship in his life. He'd lived with a woman for 6 1/2 years and she had left. He hadn't wanted her to, but she was cheating on him with her boss. He told me he'd been bitter about it for awhile, but knew that he had to let it go or it would eat him up inside. I told him about my struggles to leave my husband the ensuing guilt and problems. We talked about our families.
Eventually he put his arm around me and I didn't stop him. I wasn't attracted, but I didn't mind. Then he kissed me, and I let him do that. I didn't mind it either, but it wasn't fireworks. We even tongued each other a little and it was pleasant, but ... when there's a but, you know it's not working.
Anyway, when we said goodbye, I told him that I'd really enjoyed meeting him and that he was a very nice guy. I lied and told him he was a good kisser even though I've had better. I don't know why. I guess I'm pretty good at lying to men to protect their feelings. But I think he might have known I wasn't as interested as he was. He drove me back to my car in the mall parking lot and we hugged goodbye. I told him to call me and I hope he does. I would like to see him again because I think he's a very nice guy, but I don't think there's a destiny-type romance in it. But I figure, not everyone is 100% THE person, and that doesn't mean you can't have anything to do with them. That's what dating is all about. You get to know people, you spend time with them, and have fun. Nothing wrong with that.
Fuck. It's pretty depressing when you find out there are aspects of yourself that you despise in other people.
But he contacted me again after he saw my profile on another dating site. I recognized his nickname right away (it was the same) and I thought .... hmmmm ... is this a sign or something? All those months ago he'd contacted me, nothing came of it, and here was another opportunity. Was this a nudge from the universe, I wondered. So I answered him, told him I remembered him from before, and would love to try getting acquainted again if he was willing. He said he was, and we began emailing each other quite a lot, and chatted on msn messenger a couple of times. Those chats got pretty flirtatious and hot ... :-) although he was a perfect gentleman, I must admit, he made sure to tell me to please tell him if he was crossing the line and offending me in any way. But he wasn't, it was just fun flirtation, back and forth, and finally we set up a meeting yesterday.
It couldn't have started off more ominously. The left rear tire on my car had been flat the day before, and I'd filled it with air and it seemed to be okay. I actually drove on the highway with it and it was fine. But as I drove towards our rendezvous, (it was a beautiful sunny day and I had the sunroof open and the window down) I could smell the distinct, acrid odour of burning rubber and I thought, uh oh, that's not good. So I pulled into a mall parking lot and sure enough, my tire was absolutely decimated. The thing was shredded beyond belief, I cannot believe I made it as far as I did and furthermore, that I didn't get into a horrible accident. I used my cell phone to call him and let him know where I was (I was only a little way down the street from our meeting point), then called CAA to come and change my tire, cuz I'm a woman and have no fucken idea how to do it, no matter how many times my ex showed me, and who would want to do it anyway.
To make a long story short, my tire got changed, I waited, and he showed up. Let me say a few words about this guy. He is absolutely, wonderfully sweet. A honeybun. He is a big guy, the stereotypical teddy bear, the kind of guy who could absolutely envelop you in his arms. I gave him a hug as soon as I saw him and showed him the remains of my tire. Then we went to a coffee shop at the mall since it was close by, and we talked.
You know how many times I've complained in the past about how much I hate superficial men, how disgusted I am by their snobbery towards bigger women? Well, I have to admit, I found myself being a hypocrite. It turns out I am just as superficial as any guy out there, because much as I like this guy, think he is sweet and has a wonderful personality, I really wasn't attracted to him physically. He is quite large, and he is balding. I hate myself as I'm writing this. But I can't deny it. I just wasn't attracted, much as I wanted to be. I could tell he was attracted to me. I had gone all out and worn a really sexy scoop-necked top to show off my spectacular cleavage, my long golden blonde hair was flowing, I was made up perfectly, spritzed with perfume, and was wearing tawny amber jewellery to match my hair. I enjoyed the fact that he was attracted, but I knew it wasn't happening with me.
We decided to move on to a park after the coffee shop, and sat on a bench in the sunshine and talked. He kept laughing nervously and asking me to say something when the conversation trailed off a bit, which irritated me a little, because I really didn't know what to say. I was just enjoying being out in the sunshine, and I'm not uncomfortable with silence. But I tried to keep the conversation going as best I could. We talked about our exes. I told him about my relationship with my husband, and he told me about the major relationship in his life. He'd lived with a woman for 6 1/2 years and she had left. He hadn't wanted her to, but she was cheating on him with her boss. He told me he'd been bitter about it for awhile, but knew that he had to let it go or it would eat him up inside. I told him about my struggles to leave my husband the ensuing guilt and problems. We talked about our families.
Eventually he put his arm around me and I didn't stop him. I wasn't attracted, but I didn't mind. Then he kissed me, and I let him do that. I didn't mind it either, but it wasn't fireworks. We even tongued each other a little and it was pleasant, but ... when there's a but, you know it's not working.
Anyway, when we said goodbye, I told him that I'd really enjoyed meeting him and that he was a very nice guy. I lied and told him he was a good kisser even though I've had better. I don't know why. I guess I'm pretty good at lying to men to protect their feelings. But I think he might have known I wasn't as interested as he was. He drove me back to my car in the mall parking lot and we hugged goodbye. I told him to call me and I hope he does. I would like to see him again because I think he's a very nice guy, but I don't think there's a destiny-type romance in it. But I figure, not everyone is 100% THE person, and that doesn't mean you can't have anything to do with them. That's what dating is all about. You get to know people, you spend time with them, and have fun. Nothing wrong with that.
Fuck. It's pretty depressing when you find out there are aspects of yourself that you despise in other people.
posted by emily pound at 6:06 PM
4 Comments:
You need to tell him you're not attracted to him.
Jennie: I did have a really nice time with him, and I would love to be friends with him. Who knows? Maybe it was just my initial reaction ... although I know these things are usually pretty much "known" in the first few minutes. Maybe if we get to know each other better and start to forge a deeper connection, I might feel differently. I don't know. The point is, I wasn't completely repulsed, but I wasn't completely smitten either.
Ian: I don't want to hurt his feelings by just coming out and saying that. And see my comment to Jennie above. Maybe it was just my initial reaction, I don't know. I don't want to lead him on, but I don't want to write him off either. You never know what can happen.
Dear Emily:
Who cares if this works out as a romantic connection, you are off the bench and in the game. You're a better player more aware of what you're looking for and more confident about yourself.
You have the choice of pursuing this guy as a friend and seeing if it matures into something more substantial(though I agree with you that the chemistry thing is outside of our control and you "know" almost immediately), or if you decide you don't want to spend your limited free time on developing that sort of a relationship.
Relationships are pretty much a matter of numbers. If you have a low percentage chance of clicking each time... the more times you get in the game(after screening for schlubs and losers), the greater your chance of finding a winner.
I'm really excited for you, and it sounds like you not only dealt with life's raspberry to you(the flat tire) with coolness and panache, you got a really nice date out of it.
Huge
Thanks Huge. The flat tire freaked me out though! You should have seen it!
You're right, so what if it doesn't work out. The point is, I'm back in the game. :-) If I don't get a home run this time, I'll just keep swinging.
Post a Comment
<< Home