You Can't Hurry Love

Having spent quite a bit of time on online "dating" sites for the past year or so, I feel that I am now more than qualified to comment on its credibility as a venue for finding a mate.

All the dating sites, of course, will tell you that they are fabulous ways to meet people, that many of their members have met and fallen in love and yes, even gotten married! They even have them pose for their website with pictures of them taking vows, holding a newborn babe. Very impressive. But I'm beginning to wonder. You know how all the models on the magazine covers are airbrushed and manufactured ... they don't really look that way in real life? Well, I'm beginning to think these so-called success stories are nothing but cardboard cutouts posed to boost the reputation of the dating site and are not real people at all. Either that, or they're definite future guests on the Jerry Springer show.

Before I started going online, I had heard many people say that the only people who go on online dating sites are total and complete losers and degenerates. Guess what? So far, they're right! I don't think I've "met" one "normal" person yet.

The one guy I did meet off a dating site started off really promising. We met, were just as attracted to each other (I thought) as we had been electronically, we were smokin' hot together, and then ... he dumped me, broke my heart. It turned out he was just after the sex, just like all the other online predators I'd heard about. But I tried not to let that get me down. Not everything works out, I reasoned. Surely there is another guy out there I can connect with who will truly fall in love with me, and I with him, and so on.

Nope.

Since this other guy dumped me, I have come across a parade of losers I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Every single one of them has been "suspect" in some way ... either they're overtly sexual, or I see them on the website 24 hours a day (okay, I know, what does that say about me? :-) but I just check in for a few seconds, I can see these guys LIVING there!) ... their marital status is "undisclosed", I can go on and on.

Recently, I had a real disappointment, though. Despite all these red flags, disappointments, and sometimes outright hilarity, I managed to get sucked in by a guy just the other week. This guy seemed entirely normal. His picture was fine, he looked like a nice, normal guy, cute enough. He was divorced and had two teenage daughters and made a lot of money as an electrician. But he was very humble, modest, and intelligent. He was also very spiritual and philosophical, and we exchanged some really great emails back and forth, and, I confess ... I was excited. He wrote me that I sounded perfect and even though he was a shy guy, he wanted to jump in with both feet and meet me for coffee. Sounded harmless enough. I got his email late, though, and he had wanted to meet me that evening. I told him I was sorry but didn't have time to arrange a babysitter and could we please do it the next day or on the weekend. I also gave him my phone number so he could call me if he wished.

Never heard from him again. Not by phone, not by email. I couldn't figure out what the fuck had happened. We had exchanged all these warm emails, we had so much in common, it sounded like a real possibility, and ... it just died. I went over it a few times in my head, thinking, Did I offend him somehow? and then I thought, No, how could I, all I said was I couldn't get a babysitter on such short notice, and I left him my phone number so we could arrange another time. It just did not make any sense, and I can only conclude that he was just another nut.

I have to admit, I was pretty angry after awhile. It even crossed my mind that he had done it deliberately, because nothing else made sense. One morning I sent him a short email the basis of which was: Thanks a lot, asshole. I couldn't help myself.

Anyway ... I'm really beginning to think that computers are not the way to meet people. No matter how much we wish we could just program the person we want and have them materialize in front of us, it just doesn't seem to work. Maybe some of you out there have experiences of your own that are better than mine, I don't know (I know Ian does :-) And maybe some of you have similar experiences to mine. I would love to hear from you about them, both good and bad.

I know I won't stop searching, even though it's a constant source of irritation and unrequited hopes for me. I just can't stand the thought of "waiting" for HIM ... THE ONE ... to show up in my life, however he happens to do so. I am very impatient by nature, even though I know what the Supremes said: You can't hurry love.