Magic
One of the reasons relationships fail is because there is no real foundation for them. I am no architect, but I know that when a house is built, a solid foundation is crucial. The same is true with all relationships, but especially marriages, because marriages are voluntary unions. You are not born into them like you are born into a family (unless you are born into a culture that arranges marriages, I suppose). You cannot pick your relatives. You do pick your spouse. And one thing I have learned, is that when you do pick one, you had better pick well. Your reasons had better be good ones.
The one crucial thing any love relationship needs to survive and flourish is "magic". It is that intangible "something" that no one can quite explain, but you know it when it's there. I experienced it yesterday, and it's what has inspired me to write this blog today. I was in a crowded room with a man I have known, respected, admired, and yes, lusted after, for a couple of years. There was a lot going on. He was speaking, as a matter of fact, to a group of people, teaching a course. I was sitting toward the back, and he had assigned us all to partner up and start discussing something he was talking about. I had left the room and missed getting a partner, so I was sitting there by myself quietly while everyone else was commiserating. He was standing up at the front at the podium, just kind of scanning the room periodically, and then our eyes met. His eyebrows raised, mine raised in return, he smiled at me, and I smiled back. And when I did that, I literally felt something pass between us from across the room. It was as if something from his body had travelled across the room and landed in mine. It lasted about a second, but it made me tingle from head to toe. It was knowing, without a doubt, that I was in some way special to him and that we had shared something so intimate in the midst of all these people, effortlessly, without detection by anyone else.
That's what I'm talking about.
If you don't have that, you don't have anything. And when you settle for less, it'll come back to get you, sooner or later.
The one crucial thing any love relationship needs to survive and flourish is "magic". It is that intangible "something" that no one can quite explain, but you know it when it's there. I experienced it yesterday, and it's what has inspired me to write this blog today. I was in a crowded room with a man I have known, respected, admired, and yes, lusted after, for a couple of years. There was a lot going on. He was speaking, as a matter of fact, to a group of people, teaching a course. I was sitting toward the back, and he had assigned us all to partner up and start discussing something he was talking about. I had left the room and missed getting a partner, so I was sitting there by myself quietly while everyone else was commiserating. He was standing up at the front at the podium, just kind of scanning the room periodically, and then our eyes met. His eyebrows raised, mine raised in return, he smiled at me, and I smiled back. And when I did that, I literally felt something pass between us from across the room. It was as if something from his body had travelled across the room and landed in mine. It lasted about a second, but it made me tingle from head to toe. It was knowing, without a doubt, that I was in some way special to him and that we had shared something so intimate in the midst of all these people, effortlessly, without detection by anyone else.
That's what I'm talking about.
If you don't have that, you don't have anything. And when you settle for less, it'll come back to get you, sooner or later.
posted by emily pound at 6:34 AM
4 Comments:
What a special moment you described, one where it feels like the universe splits open leaving only two people still there, joined by some cosmic bond. But, I wonder if the reaction you felt was shared by the other person, or if it was really just your interpretation of what took place, and the response, significant though it may have been, was intended on entirely a different level. No way to know, but something to contemplate.
I've spoken to many people who've been married for a long time and most of them believe that the thunderbolt isn't the way to find true and meaningful long term love. It may signal an amazing chemical reaction which results in the most crazed and exhausting lovemaking and incredibly lusty feelings. But, true love is something which grows like a tree that is tended over time with constant care and attention.
I'm not sure which camp I'm in.. though I do know that the one time I thought I had that connection it didn't last very long because apart from the explosive chemistry we had nothing else in common.
Of course, your mileage may vary....
Hi, huge. Thank you for your comment. Notice I was very careful to make sure that what I wrote in this blog was purely from my own standpoint. You are absolutely right that what I felt could have been a thunderbolt moment for me only, and he might have just been smiling because he just felt like it. Unless somebody comes right out and tells you "I like you" or "Would you like to have dinner with me" or whatever, there is no surefire way to know whether they are as interested in you as you are in them. Believe me, I know that. This man and I have had quite a history together which made the moment even more special for me. And characterizing this moment as a thunderbolt might not be accurate. It was powerful, but not in a wham-bam way. That's why it was so wonderful. It was more just warm and loving, that was the vibe I got. It would be wonderful if he felt it the same way I did, and I have no way of knowing unless he tells me. I have made s many assumptions about things like this in the past that have turned out disastrously for me, so I know better than to assume things. But I know I will always remember it and think back to it when I need a boost, when I am feeling so down and pessimistic about ever finding true love.
I knew Ian was the one because he was the only boyfriend I ever had for more than 6 weeks and never cheated on him.
If that doesn't say 'love', I don't know what does ;-)
When I first saw my boyfriend, butterflies, heart racing, face flushing, instant attraction. Something about how his eyes dived into mine... It was like I felt him touching my soul.
I don't know what it is either, but magic, is a good word...
~Lily
Post a Comment
<< Home