Unemployed
Yes, friends ... you read it right. Yours truly is out of a job.
How did it happen, you ask? Very sneakily, and very unexpectedly.
There I was at my desk, after lunch, typing/proofreading away. My bitch supervisor (hereafter referred to in this blog as "B.S." -- I might as well use the legalese I picked up at this place and put it to some good use) came up to my desk and said, "Can I talk to you, please?" in a very normal but somewhat lilting tone of voice. I said, "Sure," thinking, Okay, what's up now, because she never talks to me unless it's to give me shit about something or delegate some kind of shitty project nobody else wants to do. So, I followed her down the hall into another office, and I see B.S.'s supervisor sitting there. I've also picked up on the fact that B.S. was holding a large envelope in her hand, and combined with the sight of B.S.'s superior (hereafter referred to as "B.S.S."), knew it meant trouble. B.S. went and sat behind the desk and I took the empty seat beside B.S.S. Hoping to forestall the inevitable, I turned to B.S.S. and smiled sweetly, said hi. A guilty look immediately crossed her face and she said "Hi," but I knew the way she said it meant my goose was cooked.
Right away, B.S. got down to brass tacks, as usual. "Okay, I'm here to tell you your position has been phased out, your services are no longer required by the Company." She pushed the big envelope towards me. "There's a severance package in here, take it with you and read it over when you get home. If you have any questions, call S.H." (the human resources manager at our company).
I just sat there frozen, thinking, Holy fucken goddam motherfucking hell. Could this have happened at a worse time in my life? I just moved a month ago, just recently became a single mother, finances are already touch and go as it is ... I just stared at her for a second then looked over at B.S.S. as if to say, Did I really just hear that? She looked back at me for a second then lowered her eyes. The three of us sat in total silence for several seconds. "So, I have to leave right now?" I asked B.S. "Unforunately, yes," she said. Unfortunate, my ass. That bitch has been wanting to get rid of me for years, and she finally got her chance. I sat silently for another few seconds realizing this, just speechless, then took the envelope, got up, opened the door and left, without saying another word.
I knew I wasn't going to be at this company for life. I certainly knew I wasn't going to be there long enough to get the Gold Watch. I wasn't expecting to get the Gold Kick in the Ass, though.
I got back to my desk in enough time to inform my colleague and friend across the aisle (I scared the shit out of her because she was listening to her Walkman and staring at the computer screen), "I've just been terminated." Her mouth dropped wide open and her eyes flew open. I just nodded, went back to my desk, and B.S. was there. "Can I have your security pass, please?" I reached into my coat pocket, gave it to her, and got the key for the filing cabinet beside my desk where I kept a few personal notebooks and other items. "We prefer that you only take what's on top of your desk, the rest of your stuff we'll pack up for you and we'll get it to you." I felt like punching her in the fucking face when she said that. They don't even want to allow you the dignity of packing up your own stuff. "I'm not letting people go through my personal stuff," I told her, and proceeded to get what I needed. She didn't answer, just strode a few paces away while I got my stuff. The legal judgment I had been working on was still lit up in green letters on my computer screen. Who's going to finish it? I thought to myself. I looked at the stack of work sitting in my In tray. Who was going to do that? I wondered.
I guess I went numb because I started to leave. "Your pictures," she said, as I started away. I have a couple of pictures of my daughter on my desk and I hurriedly scooped them up and put them in my purse.
"See ya," I said, to my colleague across the aisle. B.S. wouldn't even allow me the time to go around and say goodbye to people I have worked with for five years. "Bye," my friend said softly. It wasn't until I got home later that I saw a note from her in my purse saying, "Phone me later!"
When I got to my car, I opened the envelope and looked at the termination letter and the amount of the severance pay they are giving me for totally destroying my personal sense of well-being, pride, and totally disrupting my life. Needless to say, it ain't much, considering. I used to travel for an hour and a half on the bus EACH WAY every day, when I didn't have a driver's license or drive a car, in sub-zero weather, to get to this place and put in my hours. I spent God knows how many hours of my life doing unbelievably boring, stifling, mind-deadening work. I put up with years of B.S.'s incomprehensible dislike for me and resulting condescension, high-handedness, rudeness, and indifference, because I needed the job. For what?
In the end, to be discarded like a piece of garbage.
It's been a couple of days and I'm getting back to normal. My sense of humour and refusal to be beaten down by anybody has kicked in and I know I will survive. I'll find something else ... don't know how long it will take. Hopefully not too long.
I told my mother the other day, "You know what I've learned so far in this life? You might as well not be nice. You might as well be a jerk, because people treat you like shit anyway, no matter what you do. Why bother?"
She didn't say anything, because I know what she was thinking: "She's right."
How did it happen, you ask? Very sneakily, and very unexpectedly.
There I was at my desk, after lunch, typing/proofreading away. My bitch supervisor (hereafter referred to in this blog as "B.S." -- I might as well use the legalese I picked up at this place and put it to some good use) came up to my desk and said, "Can I talk to you, please?" in a very normal but somewhat lilting tone of voice. I said, "Sure," thinking, Okay, what's up now, because she never talks to me unless it's to give me shit about something or delegate some kind of shitty project nobody else wants to do. So, I followed her down the hall into another office, and I see B.S.'s supervisor sitting there. I've also picked up on the fact that B.S. was holding a large envelope in her hand, and combined with the sight of B.S.'s superior (hereafter referred to as "B.S.S."), knew it meant trouble. B.S. went and sat behind the desk and I took the empty seat beside B.S.S. Hoping to forestall the inevitable, I turned to B.S.S. and smiled sweetly, said hi. A guilty look immediately crossed her face and she said "Hi," but I knew the way she said it meant my goose was cooked.
Right away, B.S. got down to brass tacks, as usual. "Okay, I'm here to tell you your position has been phased out, your services are no longer required by the Company." She pushed the big envelope towards me. "There's a severance package in here, take it with you and read it over when you get home. If you have any questions, call S.H." (the human resources manager at our company).
I just sat there frozen, thinking, Holy fucken goddam motherfucking hell. Could this have happened at a worse time in my life? I just moved a month ago, just recently became a single mother, finances are already touch and go as it is ... I just stared at her for a second then looked over at B.S.S. as if to say, Did I really just hear that? She looked back at me for a second then lowered her eyes. The three of us sat in total silence for several seconds. "So, I have to leave right now?" I asked B.S. "Unforunately, yes," she said. Unfortunate, my ass. That bitch has been wanting to get rid of me for years, and she finally got her chance. I sat silently for another few seconds realizing this, just speechless, then took the envelope, got up, opened the door and left, without saying another word.
I knew I wasn't going to be at this company for life. I certainly knew I wasn't going to be there long enough to get the Gold Watch. I wasn't expecting to get the Gold Kick in the Ass, though.
I got back to my desk in enough time to inform my colleague and friend across the aisle (I scared the shit out of her because she was listening to her Walkman and staring at the computer screen), "I've just been terminated." Her mouth dropped wide open and her eyes flew open. I just nodded, went back to my desk, and B.S. was there. "Can I have your security pass, please?" I reached into my coat pocket, gave it to her, and got the key for the filing cabinet beside my desk where I kept a few personal notebooks and other items. "We prefer that you only take what's on top of your desk, the rest of your stuff we'll pack up for you and we'll get it to you." I felt like punching her in the fucking face when she said that. They don't even want to allow you the dignity of packing up your own stuff. "I'm not letting people go through my personal stuff," I told her, and proceeded to get what I needed. She didn't answer, just strode a few paces away while I got my stuff. The legal judgment I had been working on was still lit up in green letters on my computer screen. Who's going to finish it? I thought to myself. I looked at the stack of work sitting in my In tray. Who was going to do that? I wondered.
I guess I went numb because I started to leave. "Your pictures," she said, as I started away. I have a couple of pictures of my daughter on my desk and I hurriedly scooped them up and put them in my purse.
"See ya," I said, to my colleague across the aisle. B.S. wouldn't even allow me the time to go around and say goodbye to people I have worked with for five years. "Bye," my friend said softly. It wasn't until I got home later that I saw a note from her in my purse saying, "Phone me later!"
When I got to my car, I opened the envelope and looked at the termination letter and the amount of the severance pay they are giving me for totally destroying my personal sense of well-being, pride, and totally disrupting my life. Needless to say, it ain't much, considering. I used to travel for an hour and a half on the bus EACH WAY every day, when I didn't have a driver's license or drive a car, in sub-zero weather, to get to this place and put in my hours. I spent God knows how many hours of my life doing unbelievably boring, stifling, mind-deadening work. I put up with years of B.S.'s incomprehensible dislike for me and resulting condescension, high-handedness, rudeness, and indifference, because I needed the job. For what?
In the end, to be discarded like a piece of garbage.
It's been a couple of days and I'm getting back to normal. My sense of humour and refusal to be beaten down by anybody has kicked in and I know I will survive. I'll find something else ... don't know how long it will take. Hopefully not too long.
I told my mother the other day, "You know what I've learned so far in this life? You might as well not be nice. You might as well be a jerk, because people treat you like shit anyway, no matter what you do. Why bother?"
She didn't say anything, because I know what she was thinking: "She's right."
posted by emily pound at 1:01 PM
5 Comments:
You don't know me; I just stumbled across your blog. But your story today is compelling. From a stranger somewhere out here: I'm so sorry.
FWIW, I've been fired before. That cold water down the spine. It's awful. And then you find yourself still alive, still OK, and maybe in a better place. That's not "feel good" advice, it's just what I've experienced: life tends to work out.
As to giving up being a good person? Don't let them take that away from you. It's one of the few things that no one but yourself can destroy.
Thank you, stranger. :-) Like I said, I'm getting back to normal, starting to feel like my old self a bit. Until I find another job, I know I won't feel totally okay, but hopefully that won't take too long.
It's the powerlessness. You feel so vulnerable, like anybody can do anything they want to you. That's what makes me angry, and makes me feel like it's not worth being a good person anymore.
But I won't let them do that to me. They've screwed with my life enough.
Thanks, Jennie. I've had my share of being treated like crap in this life, but this last incident has to be at the top of the list. I couldn't believe it.
I'll be okay. That job was not my life. It was important, definitely, but it wasn't my life. I'll find another one.
Thanks for your prayers. :-)
Dear Emily:
Don't let the corporate bunglers get you down. Stick that double chin high in the air, figure out where you want to go, craft your plans and then make it happen.
Sometimes, an unpleasant, unexpected and underhanded termination from a hated or at least unsatisfying job can be a blessing in disguise. Of course, that doesn't mean that it didn't happen at what seems to be the absolute worst time for you(hmmm double negatives, how darkly appropriate... get out the black bunting). It also doesn't mean that you have a very stressful period ahead. But, as someone once said, if something bad doesn't kill you it makes you stronger.
However small the severance is it provides you a window of opportunity to get your act together, figure out what you want and then market yourself into the job and location of job that you want/need.(You may also want to take a quick consult with a local labor lawyer to see if they didn't do what they were supposed to do in connection with termination benefits, etc.)
We're pulling for you from down south in the old U S of A. Take your sharpened skill set and firmed up ego out on the market and see what you will see.
Go get 'em you wildly wonderful and wise woman.
Your friend
Huge
Thanks, Huge. What a fucking week. 'Nuff said.
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