Mr. Right
Okay, so I've been married, had a child, been around the block, so to speak. I'm 41, so I have a considerable amount of life experience and "wisdom" under my belt. I figure that these things qualify me to make a good decision about the future man in my life. I have definitely learned enough to know that it is just not worth it to make compromises with what you really need. I have made a vow to myself that from now on, I will not settle for second-best or something that is just "okay". It just doesn't work, in the long run, and worse than that, it wastes a lot of time. And life is short. So here are the things I am looking for, in my next main squeeze.
1. He has to have a good, steady job, not necessarily high income, but something that involves a skill and that he enjoys.
This one's pretty much a no-brainer. A guy who isn't mature enough or stable enough to have a job is nobody I want to share my life with. And it would be nice to be with someone who is talented and very good at and proud of what he does.
2. He has to have manners and treat people with respect.
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a guy with no manners. I remember once a guy took me out and as we were going in to this establishment, he went ahead of me, opened the door, and let it fall right back in my face. Needless to say, that didn't go anywhere. And my ex had this habit that drove me crazy of not being able to say thank you. At Christmas, if we were at my mother's house and exchanging gifts, he would open something from someone and just say "wow". I would always have to jab him with my elbow and hiss in his ear, "Say thank you!" That drove me absolutely nuts.
3. He has to be affectionate and demonstrative of that affection.
One of the major reasons my marriage broke up is that my ex was the type of guy who never showed his emotions or affection. He would hardly ever kiss me, or put his arm around me, or tell me he loved me. He admitted he had a problem with it and told me he thought he showed his affection by just being there, cleaning up occasionally, paying the bills ... Uh, no. I'm not saying those things aren't important, but it does nothing for me in the love department. And lack of displayed affection affects the whole relationship. I became resentful, angry, never wanted to have sex with him (to get even). It's poisonous. I want the kind of man who is very open about his feelings for me, who touches me often, who tells me he cares for me, and lets me know he thinks I'm beautiful. He doesn't necessarily have to say it, although that would be nice. But actions speak louder than words. A guy who doesn't touch you doesn't love you.
4. He has to be smart.
Not a genius, but smart. The kind of guy who can hold a decent conversation and is not close-minded about anything.
5. He has to be sexy. :-)
Mmmm, I like this one. I want the kind of guy who is confident about himself, who looks good, who takes care of himself and is well groomed. It doesn't matter what size he is, as long as he takes pride in his appearance. I like guys in suits and I like guys in jeans. They're both yummy, in their own way. And a guy who can pull off both of those looks is really something special.
6. He has to be romantic.
It would be so nice to have a boyfriend who actually takes the time to think of something that would be really intimate and special for the two of you to share, to get closer, to enjoy. Whether it's taking you to a nice restaurant or on a sunset walk holding hands, or inviting you over to his place for a candlelit dinner and a movie ... something where he sets the atmosphere and things can develop. You know what I mean? :-)
6. He has to love sex.
I guess this is probably the one any guy would qualify for. :-) But if you read my earlier blogs, you'll see I get more specific about what I really like. One of my favourite things is kissing, and a guy who doesn't like to kiss would not be any good for me. There is a huge difference between sex and making love. I should have said "He has to love making love", because you can have sex with anyone. I want someone who is going to be my lover, who will take the time and effort to please me as much as I please him. Someone who thinks my orgasm is as important as his.
7. He has to get angry when he sees or learns of other people mistreating me.
Another big reason my marriage ended was because my ex was never empathetic towards me. We had totally different personalities, and he always saw things differently than I did. Very often I would tell him about situations that had happened or that had really hurt me, and he would start taking the other person's side. That really hurt, and really made me angry. Even if he disagreed with it, I figured he could have at least tried to make me feel better. I want someone who cares about my feelings, who gets pissed off if he sees someone has hurt me or mistreated me in some way.
8. He has to like kids.
As you know, I have an adorable little girl and she is my sunshine. The man I am with would have to love her too.
I guess those are the major things. How hard can it be to find a guy with all these qualifications? :-)
I'll let you know.
1. He has to have a good, steady job, not necessarily high income, but something that involves a skill and that he enjoys.
This one's pretty much a no-brainer. A guy who isn't mature enough or stable enough to have a job is nobody I want to share my life with. And it would be nice to be with someone who is talented and very good at and proud of what he does.
2. He has to have manners and treat people with respect.
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a guy with no manners. I remember once a guy took me out and as we were going in to this establishment, he went ahead of me, opened the door, and let it fall right back in my face. Needless to say, that didn't go anywhere. And my ex had this habit that drove me crazy of not being able to say thank you. At Christmas, if we were at my mother's house and exchanging gifts, he would open something from someone and just say "wow". I would always have to jab him with my elbow and hiss in his ear, "Say thank you!" That drove me absolutely nuts.
3. He has to be affectionate and demonstrative of that affection.
One of the major reasons my marriage broke up is that my ex was the type of guy who never showed his emotions or affection. He would hardly ever kiss me, or put his arm around me, or tell me he loved me. He admitted he had a problem with it and told me he thought he showed his affection by just being there, cleaning up occasionally, paying the bills ... Uh, no. I'm not saying those things aren't important, but it does nothing for me in the love department. And lack of displayed affection affects the whole relationship. I became resentful, angry, never wanted to have sex with him (to get even). It's poisonous. I want the kind of man who is very open about his feelings for me, who touches me often, who tells me he cares for me, and lets me know he thinks I'm beautiful. He doesn't necessarily have to say it, although that would be nice. But actions speak louder than words. A guy who doesn't touch you doesn't love you.
4. He has to be smart.
Not a genius, but smart. The kind of guy who can hold a decent conversation and is not close-minded about anything.
5. He has to be sexy. :-)
Mmmm, I like this one. I want the kind of guy who is confident about himself, who looks good, who takes care of himself and is well groomed. It doesn't matter what size he is, as long as he takes pride in his appearance. I like guys in suits and I like guys in jeans. They're both yummy, in their own way. And a guy who can pull off both of those looks is really something special.
6. He has to be romantic.
It would be so nice to have a boyfriend who actually takes the time to think of something that would be really intimate and special for the two of you to share, to get closer, to enjoy. Whether it's taking you to a nice restaurant or on a sunset walk holding hands, or inviting you over to his place for a candlelit dinner and a movie ... something where he sets the atmosphere and things can develop. You know what I mean? :-)
6. He has to love sex.
I guess this is probably the one any guy would qualify for. :-) But if you read my earlier blogs, you'll see I get more specific about what I really like. One of my favourite things is kissing, and a guy who doesn't like to kiss would not be any good for me. There is a huge difference between sex and making love. I should have said "He has to love making love", because you can have sex with anyone. I want someone who is going to be my lover, who will take the time and effort to please me as much as I please him. Someone who thinks my orgasm is as important as his.
7. He has to get angry when he sees or learns of other people mistreating me.
Another big reason my marriage ended was because my ex was never empathetic towards me. We had totally different personalities, and he always saw things differently than I did. Very often I would tell him about situations that had happened or that had really hurt me, and he would start taking the other person's side. That really hurt, and really made me angry. Even if he disagreed with it, I figured he could have at least tried to make me feel better. I want someone who cares about my feelings, who gets pissed off if he sees someone has hurt me or mistreated me in some way.
8. He has to like kids.
As you know, I have an adorable little girl and she is my sunshine. The man I am with would have to love her too.
I guess those are the major things. How hard can it be to find a guy with all these qualifications? :-)
I'll let you know.
posted by emily pound at 11:15 AM
3 Comments:
Perfect list. Hope you find him. ;o)
~Lily
Hi Lily,
Thanks, I hope I find him too! :-)
I accidentally deleted your second comment, sorry about that. Would you mind posting again?
Thank you, sweetie! :-) I love your blog too.
I try not to get discouraged ... but sometimes it can be really tough. Like with that radio station. All I want to do is hear the songs I like and then I have to put up with these idiots insulting women like me and as a result, me. As if I don't hear enough of that, you know?
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