The Meet Market
Now that I am available on the dating scene again, I have posted a profile and a few pictures of myself on a couple of different dating sites. Even though these dating sites are geared to BBWs and their "admirers" and I have gotten more responses from them than the "traditional" big-name dating sites, I'm still disappointed by the kinds of responses I'm getting.
First of all, I find myself getting a lot of "smiles" but next to no emails. If any of you are familiar with these dating sites, you'll know that the smiles are free, but you have to be a paid member if you want to email someone. The fact that I'm getting a lot of smiles but hardly any emails suggests to me that a hell of a lot of guys out there are real cheapskates. They want the benefit of having the kind of women they want responding to them, but they're not willing to pay for it. This, to me, says a lot about the guy. He might look great at first when you read his profile; say, for example, he says he's really romantic, likes to take things slow and worship you, etc. etc. I find it hard to take this seriously if he's too cheap to buy a membership so he can respond to you.
I guess in a way I'm a hypocrite because I'm not paying to be a member either. But I have to admit I'm kind of a traditionalist when it comes to dating, and I believe the guy should make the first move or overture. To me, it's the cyber equivalent of a guy asking to buy you a drink or asking you to dance.
You can glean a surprising amount of information about these guys if you really pay attention to their profiles and description of themselves. The most obvious indicators are the nicknames they give themselves. For example, if I see a guy called "BBWPussyLvr" or "OralGuy", I figure that's a pretty good tip-off that they're not exactly looking for long-term, meaningful commitment. Then there are more subtle tip-offs, like if I see a guy has posted no profile at all or simply one or two lines, that says to me he's basically lazy and cavalier and not too serious either. I figure someone who is genuinely, sincerely looking for someone to be with would be sure and post a pretty detailed description of themselves.
Anyway, all this can be pretty disheartening. I know it takes time and effort to find someone, but sometimes I just feel like I'm in the bar scene all over again (God help me, never again). Everything is so fake and superficial and phony and everyone wants as much as they can get for nothing. But I'd still rather try and meet someone this way, rather than head out to the bars again, like I did when I was twenty. The only thing I'm likely to find there is a big bar tab and a walking, talking assemblage of STD's.
First of all, I find myself getting a lot of "smiles" but next to no emails. If any of you are familiar with these dating sites, you'll know that the smiles are free, but you have to be a paid member if you want to email someone. The fact that I'm getting a lot of smiles but hardly any emails suggests to me that a hell of a lot of guys out there are real cheapskates. They want the benefit of having the kind of women they want responding to them, but they're not willing to pay for it. This, to me, says a lot about the guy. He might look great at first when you read his profile; say, for example, he says he's really romantic, likes to take things slow and worship you, etc. etc. I find it hard to take this seriously if he's too cheap to buy a membership so he can respond to you.
I guess in a way I'm a hypocrite because I'm not paying to be a member either. But I have to admit I'm kind of a traditionalist when it comes to dating, and I believe the guy should make the first move or overture. To me, it's the cyber equivalent of a guy asking to buy you a drink or asking you to dance.
You can glean a surprising amount of information about these guys if you really pay attention to their profiles and description of themselves. The most obvious indicators are the nicknames they give themselves. For example, if I see a guy called "BBWPussyLvr" or "OralGuy", I figure that's a pretty good tip-off that they're not exactly looking for long-term, meaningful commitment. Then there are more subtle tip-offs, like if I see a guy has posted no profile at all or simply one or two lines, that says to me he's basically lazy and cavalier and not too serious either. I figure someone who is genuinely, sincerely looking for someone to be with would be sure and post a pretty detailed description of themselves.
Anyway, all this can be pretty disheartening. I know it takes time and effort to find someone, but sometimes I just feel like I'm in the bar scene all over again (God help me, never again). Everything is so fake and superficial and phony and everyone wants as much as they can get for nothing. But I'd still rather try and meet someone this way, rather than head out to the bars again, like I did when I was twenty. The only thing I'm likely to find there is a big bar tab and a walking, talking assemblage of STD's.
posted by emily pound at 11:32 AM
5 Comments:
Dear Emily:
If you go to a meat market/meet market site or really any of the internet sites you should expect to find that many of the men and women that post on the site trolling for a partner will not be people you would want to meet anywhere else. The same is of course true of bars or any other venues set up to cater to adults trying to find other adults. That doesn't mean there are no worthy candidates and no good guys who have a similar approach to meeting others as you have. But it does mean your rate of return of good choices will be quite low and you have to be willing to winnow out all the unacceptables, partially unacceptables and downright degenerates. And, in some cases you will first have to meet some of the guys before you can rule them out.
I've always believed that if you tell someone that you're looking for A, B, C they will match it up with the S, E, X that they're looking for and figure.. what the hell.. its three letters, close enough to what they're looking for.
Take advantage of friends and acquaintances who can prescreen real people and who also know you. Even though there are lots of duds with this approach as well, you probably prescreen a higher percentage of undesirables.
Huge
so well said, huge, but what's a girl to do? I certainly don't want to do the bar thing again. and, since it's been so soon since I actually got out and on my own, at this point I'm just looking to have a little fun, enjoy being single again. no, that doesn't mean cheap sex or ANY sex for that matter (unless I met someone REALLY hot) kidding, kidding, :-) and it also doesn't mean that I don't have that long-term person in the back of my mind and in the front of my sights but ...
my friends are few and far between these days, lost touch with most of them after high school, and colleagues are out of the question, my personal life is just that, my personal life. so I don't really have a lot of options
do you know any nice single guys in the toronto area? :-)
Thanks Jennie. :-) Its funny, sometimes it seems the harder we strive for something, the harder it becomes or the more it eludes us. You ended up meeting your fiancee in your apartment block, he was right under your nose the whole time. Maybe that's what will happen with me, who knows?
I think that's a big turn off for most women of dating sites. They just feel "so fake and superficial and phony" like you said. Of course, I'm the enternal romantic and think that love will find you lol
Don't despare. Just because those guys are jerks doesn't mean you won't find one that you can connect with. I got this in an email:
"Women are like apples. The best are at the top of tree. Men have to pick the apples, and most men are afraid to climb that high for fear of falling and getting hurt, so they pick the apples off the ground, cheap, meaningless. But one day a man that's truly sincere will climb that tree, risk being hurt, in order to get the apple he really wants.
Men however are like grapes. Women have to stomp the shit out of them to make them into something you can have dinner with."
Hope you got a laugh! lol
Best of luck finding one that's already been stomped. ;o)
~Lily
lol Thanks Lily, love that!
I definitely hope I can find a guy who doesn't mind making the climb.
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